Release Notes

Anybody else read the release notes for The Sims 3 patches? I wrote about these a bit on my creative writing blog. Some of the bug fixes are pretty funny out of context, and could make for some interesting creative writing prompts.

Here are a few of my favorites:

• Pillow Fight wishes will appear much less frequently. 
• "Honey, we need to talk." Mom said somberly. The entire family was in the living room, even Grandpa Bill. This couldn't be good. "Brad," Mom shifted uncomfortably, "we think, we all think, that you are pillow fighting far too frequently. It's become a problem, and we want to help."
• The Heckle interaction is no longer available in Sims swimming in the ocean. 
• "Loose seal!" The bystanders shouted, but Buster gleefully ignored their taunts. "I'm not afraid of her anymore!" He yelled triumphantly. His mother, Lucille, wasn't going to keep him from swimming in the ocean.
• Hot Dog and Pie Eating contests can no longer ironically cause a Sim to starve to death. 
• Fixed an issue where fires created by Unicorns reignite repeatedly after being extinguished.  
• Cats that play in the Hydrocombo Spa will no longer teleport . 
• The Imaginary Friend doll can no longer be buried in Sandboxes to prevent the Sim from losing it forever. 
• "From now on, you must take good care of your toys, because if you don't, we'll find out, Sid!"
• Sims who are on fire will no longer be forced to attend graduation before they can put themselves out. 
• Groundskeeper Willy continued burning while Mr. Van Houten droned on and on about spaghetti dinner. He politely waited his turn, but the rage and the flames consumed him.
• Sims will no longer receive a wish to “Skinny Dip” with Mummies. 
• She leaned in flirtatiously and whispered, "What do you say you slip out of those bandages and go for a swim?"
• Sims can no longer hang out with Celebrity Sims on swing sets before properly impressing them. 
• There are now stricter relationship requirements for Woohooing with Sims in the Sarcophagus. 
• The Jog interaction no longer mocks poor, atrophied, player-controlled Mummies. 
• Glen struggled towards the finish line, his bandages unraveling. He ignored the jeering spectators, his overwhelming fatigue, and the fact that his dead left foot had completely crumbled away at the last mile marker. He was going to finish this race.
• Mummies can no longer learn songs. Their vocal chords have deteriorated leaving them mute. 
• Playable ghosts can no longer get stuck wandering into a gender specific bathroom. 
• Sims can no longer "Try for Baby" with the Grim Reaper. 
• Olive Spector was always a rule-breaker. She didn't care what the programmers in the sky had to say about it. She was bringing Nervous Subject into this world.
• Neighbors will no longer gather to watch a burglar that hasn't yet stolen anything.
• "I don't want any trouble," Mrs. Costas said nervously, standing on her front porch. "I don't want any trouble either," the masked man replied, slightly confused. He wondered why the neighbors had started to gather around.